Opinion: Let’s try blaming perpetrators for sexual violence

Rape and sexual assault are growing issues in North America, and college campuses are becoming hot-spot for the debate.

On Oct. 15, Emily Yoffe published an article on slate.com boldly titled: The Best Rape Prevention: Tell College Women to Stop Getting so Wasted. Her attempt to “prevent more victims” comes across more like the lecture from someone born in a different generation, or the nervous mother of a high school senior, rather than as a real attempt to increase awareness.

The points Yoffe makes are true. The majority of campus sexual assaults involve alcohol. Alcohol inhibits cognitive function and judgment, rendering young women vulnerable to sexual predators. It’s true that binge drinking has become deeply embedded not only in college culture but in culture as a whole, starting as early as high school.

Yoffe claims the only way to get binge drinking under control and, in turn, reduce sexual assaults of college students, is to regulate it. Making getting “too wasted” a source of shame and mockery instead of a form of entertainment cut the occurrences, she writes. True, but the main focus of her article is that women should to stop making themselves vulnerable by getting hammered.

Here’s a quote:

“If female college students start moderating their drinking as a way of looking out for their own self-interest — and looking out for your own self-interest should be a primary feminist principle — I hope their restraint trickles down to the men.”

Why would women’s restraint trickle down to the men? Why should men be free of responsibility for engaging in sexual acts with someone who isn’t willing? Yoffe fails to understand how social norms perpetuated by mass and social media have produced a sick fascination (and acceptance of) rape culture, as well as female commodification.

Young boys are growing up in a world where females are largely depicted as sex objects. They’re deluged with music videos and content, such as Robin Thicke’s infamous lyrics in “Blurred Lines,” before they even taste a drop of liquor. The idea that girls who act uninterested are, deep down, “animals” who can’t wait to get “blasted” by young men is real, and becomes dangerous in a party atmosphere when girls are rendered unable to truly consent to sex.

Alcohol involvement or not, young girls (and boys) are living in a world where they are not being taught the single most important thing about sex: that having sex is the choice of both parties. This might be an easier message to press, and given that our culture is already highly sexualized through media, it might translate a little better than “girls should stop getting drunk.”

photo by Stijn Vogel

Why aren’t we teaching young boys as well as girls to take responsibility for their bodies, and setting clear standards for consent. Yoffe claims she tells her daughter to stay away from shots and punch, and be responsible with drinking when she goes off to college. This is great advice, but as a college freshman in the heat of the moment, it’s not that simple to just say no. It’s obvious that she is trying to push the idea of young women taking responsibility for themselves, but it’s a little ignorant because when it comes to rape, the victim is never to blame. Yoffe refers to this “misplaced fear of blaming the victim” as the current attitude about rape, but she ignores the fact that victims are still the victim.

Suggesting that women should change how they dress, act and speak, from as early as age 18 if they don’t want to become a victim of rape, is ridiculous. Maybe men should stop listening to rap music, joining frats, getting drunk and forcing themselves on women who are unconscious. If Yoffe really didn’t want to piss off any feminists, she probably should have considered the origin of the slutwalk or suggested a realistic solution. It’s senseless to teach young girls that they are responsible for their bodies without teaching young boys that it is wrong to take advantage of someone who is wasted, and that unless someone clearly and rationally says “yes,” they should assume that the answer is “no.”

The issue is complicated, but there is a way to step in the right direction before alcohol begins to play a factor. Perhaps if youth were educated more deeply about sexual consent before they started drinking, better values would be embedded. Maybe then men might see a drunk woman, passed out on a couch, and not think it’s alright to have sex with her. Maybe then women wouldn’t have to live in fear about how many drinks they’re having. If women are going to be liberated enough to take responsibility for themselves, men should too.

Despite the controversy sparked by Yoffe’s article (over 46,000 shares on Facebook and over 3,000 comments), other people have more realistic – and constructive – ways about dealing with rape and sexual violence. There’s an excellent educational film, produced in Iceland, called “Get Yes!”. The film has not only received rave reviews, but was shown in elementary schools across Iceland on Jan. 30.

The film uses young adults to discuss proper sexual conduct, violence and the reality of sex, as opposed to the perception of sex shown through the media. The bottom line of the film is to try to make sure both participants are on the same page when it comes to sex. The documentary stresses the fact that both men and women can be victims of rape, that no matter what, you are free to stop at any time you choose, and that open discussion is the key to clarity in sexual situations. Instead of focusing on how bad sex can be for someone who is unwilling, the film notes how fun sex can be, when both people are ready and open with each other.