Sam Kensington’s son Medics, born summer 2014. Used with Permission
Just 20 years ago, mental health disorders were seldom recognized, much less openly talked about.
In recent years many celebrities have spoken out, seeking to remove the stigma surrounding mental health. Brooke Shields spoke about her experiences with postpartum depression after the birth of her daughter. Emma Thompson spoke of her life-long battle with depression. Elton John opened up on Larry King Live to discuss his battle with substance abuse and bulimia.
According to the MNT Knowledge Centre, mental health “refers to our cognitive (thinking, rationalizing and knowing) and/or emotional wellbeing – it is all about how we think, feel, believe and then behave.” Messing this up, whether though generational thought patterns of negativity, abuse, trauma or simple negative life experiences, can lead to devastating consequences, and often the individuals dealing with it don’t know how to overcome it. Many doctors or physiologist agree that once you are diagnosed, that is who you are. You can only cope.
Are the experts speaking the truth? I talked to Sam Kensington, a now thriving professional who triumphed over her toxic mental health condition to come out on the other side.
What did the worst day look like?
My worst day truly was the worst: Struggling with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety and self-harm all at once meant that I had a lot to deal with. Some days I would wake up and do nothing but binge and purge, compulsively exercise (go for three hours runs with absolutely no nutrition to support), nap, and then spend the rest of the time thinking about death and cutting myself. I didn’t believe that I would get better, and didn’t know how to cope without numbing through self-destruction. I was trying to attend school and hold down a job for most of that time, so it also meant lots of lying and sick days.
When did you know you needed to work on your mental health, get better?
I started blacking out at work (I was a lifeguard and swimming instructor), which became a huge risk and liability. My work challenged me to get support. I was a perfectionist and found my identity in pleasing everyone around me, so I knew I truly had a problem when I was no longer able to survive on striving.
What steps did you take towards freedom?
I initially attended a community-based mental health and eating disorder program. I had weekly counselling, nutrition, medical and family therapy appointments. This went on for a couple of years; however, not much shifted and I knew that I needed more if I was going to work through my issues. I ended up applying to a residential treatment program. It was there that I truly started to understand the root of my struggles and found ways to work through the pain.
Once I thawed out from my years of numbing … I knew there was a possibility to change
Tell me about a hard place going through the process.
So many situations. Eating disorders and other self-destructive behaviours exist with the purpose of numbing out experiences. So, imagine having the opportunity to engage in symptoms taken away (bingeing, purging, restricting, compulsive exercising, and self-harming), and then being challenged to look at the root of the pain. Ouch. I had spent years avoiding my emotions and was all of a sudden being invited to sit in them and work through them. There was a period where I did not know how to manage, so I felt confused and raw from the pain.
When did you knew you were going to get better?
Once I thawed out from my years of numbing, and worked through the core pain, while learning skills to manage new painful experiences, I knew there was a possibility to change.
What has life been like on the other side?
Whoa, it is amazing. I am better, I no longer need symptoms to cope with pain, and I know there is a way to live life without self-destruction. There are still hard days, but everyone has hard days, and the difference is that I now know I have the strength and skills to work through whatever comes my way. I now have a beautiful son and living life with so much purpose. I love learning and growing more with each new experience and helping people walk out the same transformative journey I walked.
